Words

Beloved Britain,

the following entry is less a letter to you but a helpful guide for foreigners to get along with your people:

During the last three weeks here in your blessed country I paid special attention to the language of the people I came into contact with.

My results are that when you want to be a proper Briton (like I do aspire to become) you can't manage this challenging task (if it is a 'task' at all) without using the following words and expressions:

1. Thank you. / Thank you so/very much. / Thanks a lot.   -   any other polite form of expressing your gratitude

Saying 'thank you' is crucial.
Without a constant 'thank you' on your lips it is almost impossible to be accepted by society. Sorry about that.
And it is not bad to say 'thank you' all the time, it simply eases your getting along with people.

'Thanks, hon' - 'Thank you, darling' - 'Thank you my lovely flower' ...

2. Lovely! / Beautiful!

To all non-Britons, please note: everything here is lovely! And I mean absolutely everything!
The dish presented to you on the table is lovely!, the weather is lovely!, the town is lovely!, the hotel is lovely!, the sea is lovely!, the ice cream is lovely! and even the seagulls are lovely! (not!).
And of course you are lovely, darling.

If you are absolutely tired of saying lovely! every two seconds you can use the adjective 'beautiful' instead.
But please stick to lovely! as long as you can. ;-)

3. All right? / All right! / Alright!

'Alright!' is another essential word.
At first you ask someone "All right?", then expect the  answer "All right!" and whenever you agree you say "Alright.". And please do say it as often as possible.
Whenever you meet someone ask him or her immediately 'All right?' or even better: 'How are you?'. In this case you should answer "I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" / "I'm good, thanks." / "I'm alright, thank you." / "Good, good. And yourself?" / "Not too bad, thank you."

4. Sorry! / Please excuse me... / Pardon?

Excusing anything and everything is not an expression of inferiority, it simply shows respect and decency.
Although it sometimes may occur to you that you feel as if you are even excusing your own existence I have to say that this is obviously not the case.
And if you should have every reason to excuse your existence it is alright since you've excused yourself. ;-)

If you want to pass someone please always say "Please excuse me...", otherwise the others could make a mental note concerning you and this note would read: 'Warning! Rude person!'.

If you do not understand an English person please say 'Pardon?' and never ever 'What??'. Otherwise you could easily be categorised as a rude person. And no one wants to be a rude person. Everyone wants to be lovely.

5. Please.

Britain, you've produced very polite people, that is almost common knowledge.
So, again a note to all non-Britons:
always say please when you ask someone for something and also in any other situation.
Otherwise a similar incident like this might occur to you:

You enter the kitchen to get your lunch. There are two dishes on the table which you can't identify. So you ask the kitchen chef: "What's this?" - "Apple and meat pie and this is fish pie." -"Ah, okay, th-" - "And next time, please ask 'What's this, PLEASE'?" - "Oh okay sorry. .." - "Say please and thank you and you'll get on well with me!" - "Alright. . Thank you then..." - "We talk funny in England, don't we?" - "Yes! But I like it actually!" ...

6. Bloody hell!

'Bloody hell!' is regarded by me as typically British.
Whenever you feel the urge to express your anger or surprise you use the term 'Bloody hell!'. But please refrain from saying it too often. Please always behave well-mannered.
Please do not say 'Fuck! or Fuck shit!'. In case you do, please excuse immediately.


7. Obviously

The people I encountered here tend to use the word 'obviously' as often as possible.
I haven't figured out so far why exavtly everything here is so particularly 'obvious' but it 'obviously' is.



Faithfully yours,
Jane

P.S. Of course I have been aware of all these stereotypes mentioned here but it is just so funny and therefore worth noticing that they all really apply!

Lovely, lovely, lovely

Beloved Britain,

you are lovely.
It's the perfect word to describe you: lovely.
Beautiful, but actually more than beautiful - charming, picturesque, romantic, cosy and simply ... lovely.

Today I had the honour to visit Windsor and Oxford - both beautiful beyond words.
I immediately fell in love with them!

Royal Windsor and historic Oxford - let the pictures speak for themselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 Lots of love,

Jane



Confessions

Beloved Britain,

today it was a lovely day in Bournemouth - it was very warm and sunny (yes, as an authentic 'fake-Briton' I have to comment on the weather first! ;-) ).

The English people have a good sense of humour.
Our teacher here told us that the French call the English People "Roast Beef" and that the German call them "Island Monkeys" (that's true, we do call them like that but in a loving way! ;-) ). But the English obviously do not really care about it. I like them.

Besides, our teacher made another confession: he told us that the English "like to confuse people" ("I don't know why, we just do! Yes, we like to confuse people. Maybe it's because you criticise our food! We drive on the other side and so on...").

But it's true.
On my way to school I passed a road sign and an umbrella was hanging down from it - upside down. Yes, I know, an umbrella is definitely a must-have when you live here, on this wonderful island, but there is no need for a road sign to be decorated with an umbrella - especially not upside down. It could confuse car drivers. By the time I went home from school it was gone.

Today, a girl I learned to know at school and I went down to the beach and had a cup of tea (and a cup of coffee). I have to confess that it was only half past four when we drank our tea, but true to the motto "Somewhere it is always five o'clock" we enjoyed ourselves very much. :-)

(five o' clock tea - more or less) 

(beautiful Lower Gardens)

(you can find the Union Jack everywhere!)

(Bournemouth)

(Bournemouth Balloon)

 

 

Hugs and kisses,

Janina

 

 



Welcome

Beloved Britain,

I am here.
I am finally here.
And I love you.
Yesterday I finally arrived at Bournemouth.
I had a very pleasant flight to London Heathrow and a nice journey to Bournemouth by coach.

(Bournemouth, at the sea side)

It is not only a stereotype, it is a fact: the English people are very polite (e.g. the cashier at the supermarket even apologized that we had to wait for so long!).
And they are funny, too (e.g. the bus driver: "We even have washroom facilities in here - yes, it's all very exciting!" ;-) ).

The first lesson I learned here in England, despite the fact that the motorways are full of litter on the sides - the Britons must definitely take better care of their environment (this is not meant as an offence, dear Britain, simply as a kind advice), was that the public telephones are disappearing.
Yes. It is sad but it is true, acccording to the friendly man at the Bournemouth information centre at the coach station.
At the airport I met two other German girls and we travelled to Bournemouth altogether.
After our arrival there they wanted to call their host family and the only public telephone we could find at the station was obviously not working properly (we watched two women struggling with it).
I then approached the man at the information centre and asked him whether this was the only public telephone here.
He said yes, according to his knowledge, because the public telephones are disappearing due to the fact that more and more people got mobile phones. "But there might be one at the supermarket or there might be one at the petrol station or there might be one at the train station..." - "Might", I nodded, unsatisfied.. "Well, thank you!"
The two German girls then simply got into a taxi without calling their host parents before.

...

England,
I love it how people call each other "mate" or "love" here.
(When you get off a bus you thank the driver and my bus driver replied to my "thank you" with "You're welcome, love". "Love" and "mate" are tiny words but they make all the difference. They make you feel welcome.)

At the language school I learned to know some other German girls and we did some shopping at the local supermarket and talked German, of course. Apparently, a man listened to our conversation because he addressed us in German. We three were all very surprised because we did find it unlikely to meet a Briton speaking German. His German was not bad, by the way. He was very friendly and even offered his help to find our way back to the town centre. He wished us a nice time on "the island" (he said this in perfect German!).

The girls and me had a nice walk through Bournemouth to get an overview and I have to say that I like it. Just have a look at the bath cabins at the beach, they are lovely.

(look at the coulours, see how they perfectly match the landscape!)

I have to make another remark on the people here in England: beside the fact that they are extraordinary polite and helpful, they are very chatty, too. And I like it. It is so nice to talk to the people sitting next to you on the bus, you can learn a lot. It is also nice to simply be smiled at when you catch yourself walking down the road with a huge smile on your face, entirely satisfied with your situation, satisfied with being in England.
Spread happiness! :-)

So, that's all for now, Britain, my love,
I think I'll have a nice cup of tea now,

Janina


Postscript:
Regarding the environment I seriously do think that the Britons have to improve some things. It sometimes seems to me that they do not really care about their environment. It hurts me to see that. (Bitain, this again is not an offence, I just write down my observations).
If they do make an effort to care about the environment they have to announce it. I am serious now but at the supermarket I found this sign above the refrigerator: "Caring for the Environment: These doors save enough energy to make over 4 Million cups of tea per year." See? And what I found funny was that they even mentioned their much loved tea here. :-)

Beloved Britain

Beloved Britain,


I set foot on your soil for the very first time in summer 2011 and immediately fell in love with your absolutely stunning countryside and your lovely people. I am not sure how or by which specific factor my affection for you was triggered. I think it was love on first sight.
I visited London, Cornwall (Falmouth, St. Ives...) and Brighton and was overwhelmed.
I swore myself that I would be back - at the latest after my graduation.
Now the time has come and I intend to stay for half a year.
I am looking forward to seeing you on Sunday!

Forever yours,
Janina